How and what should you teach your children?
Jul 2021
“Teach your children” is a hit song by Crosby, Stills and Nash. Written in 1970, it reminds parents that they have a responsibility to teach their children, and should they fail to do it, as the song’s lyrics go: Don’t you ever ask them “Why?” If they told you, you...
Cookie-cutter fathers, then and now
Jun 2021
Each time I run my counselling course, I set the students an essay that asks them to draw their family tree and examine how their family has shaped them. This exercise can be illuminating as they trace how their values, habits and even temperament may be linked with their parents’...
Blissful indifference
May 2021
Recently, many were unsettled, if not shocked, by news reports of a family’s cruelty to their domestic helper, who was abused and tortured to the point of death. Then there was the case of a son who abused his elderly mother for years. Fortunately, she survived, but her physical and...
Sacrificing well
Apr 2021
As I reflect on the topic of sacrifice, especially in the context of family relationships, let me begin with a simple definition. Sacrifice is giving up something to gain something else. What is sacrificed may be tangible, like giving up your seat on the train for an elderly passenger. Or...
Change, obsession and keeping up
Mar 2021
I am not sure when it happened. Neither do I know how it happened. What I do know is its signs. What I am referring to is losing the fight with change. It began with a feeling and then the realisation that I was having difficulty keeping up with change....
Before the bridge is burnt
Feb 2021
To “burn one’s bridges” is a commonly-used phrase for a situation of no turning back from one’s commitment. For instance, when a general orders his troops to burn or demolish a bridge that they had just crossed, he is saying that there is no retreat—they have no choice but to...
Abused and powerless?
Jan 2021
It is time to take charge It sounds like a tongue-in-cheek question: “Is there a law protecting parents from being abused by their children?” Increasingly, this question is being asked, not of abused elderly parents, but in the context of parents in their forties and fifties, with abusive children in...
Values: Aspirational and inspirational
Dec 2020
Conversation about values has featured prominently in my sessions with a couple I have been counselling for almost two years. They came in to try to repair their marriage after the husband’s infidelity—for the second time. Six years earlier, he had cheated on his wife but was given a second...
Lest we forget
Nov 2020
Connection, compassion, constants “Lest we forget” is often associated with remembrance ceremonies of the Great Wars. It is an appeal to the living not to repeat the mistakes that led to such tragic waste of lives. An estimated 40 million lives were lost in World War One. Unfortunately, humankind soon forgot...
It must hurt before it heals
Oct 2020
A client of mine is facing a difficult decision, akin to one doctors have to make to save the life of a patient with a badly infected limb—whether to amputate all or part of the limb. In her case, it would be an “amputation” of her 15-year marriage. The “infection” has...
Raising successful children in an age of uncertainty
Sep 2020
Champion runners like Sebastian Coe and Usain Bolt are famous. Ivan Fernandez is less known. Whilst the first two are known for setting world records, Fernandez’s claim to fame is coming in second in a race—when he could have been first. In that race, he had been trailing the frontrunner,...
The family in a post-COVID world
Aug 2020
The COVID-19 pandemic has impacted how we work, trade with others, study in schools, relate to our families and worship God. And because important areas of our lives have been affected, we should all the more think of ways to mitigate its ill effects. I would like to mention two...
Being in Limbo
Jul 2020
As I write this, Singapore is just coming out of its circuit breaker, a period of unprecedented measures of enforced social distancing. Even when the post-circuit breaker phase three ends, life as we know it will have changed. We have been told to be prepared for a “new normal”. What this...
Paradigm shift or game changer?
Jun 2020
Bearing in mind as I write that this article is scheduled to be published in June 2020, I am trying to visualise what our social environment then might be. I am not good at predictions—my dismal failure with investments attest to this—so let me stick to what I think I...
Surviving Social Distancing
May 2020
Social distancing is one of the strongest tools available to slow down community transmission of the COVID-19 virus. People are not to gather in groups, all nonessential movement outside of one’s home is curtailed, and schools and workplaces, unless deemed essential, are closed. These measures were unheard of barely three...
What’s in a name?
Apr 2020
Amid the emerging global health crisis, an intense discussion may have gone unnoticed. Whilst the larger part of the scientific community were busy trying to understand how the novel coronavirus is spread or to develop a vaccine, others were trying to find a name for it. Finally, on 11 Feb...
Rooms, drawers and boxes – What do we hide away?
Mar 2020
During a recent session with a couple, the wife used a metaphor to describe her view of her in-law troubles. She saw the parties involved as living in separate rooms and her husband as shuttling from one room to another. Their doors remained tightly shut and no-one else was to...
Being apart to be close
Feb 2020
I occasionally experience a sense of déjà vu – my clients’ issues, circumstances and dilemmas appear similar and yet are not the same. I felt it recently when three siblings—working adults in their mid-twenties to early thirties—came to consult me. A family conflict had led to the two older daughters...
In His good time
Jan 2020
As the elderly nursing home resident’s trust in the counselling intern grew, she candidly talked about wanting to die. She felt that having outlived her husband by almost half her life, she had no reason to go on living. She had lived a hard life and worked as a domestic...
A Most Precious Gift
Dec 2019
When our former pastor and his wife invited my wife and me to go together to Chiang Mai, it was not for a mission trip or a spiritual retreat. Instead, we took long walks in gardens and parks, visited local markets and museums, ate delicious northern Thai food and even...
Bearing my yoke and finding rest
Nov 2019
A client I saw last week has been married for close to 30 years. Over the last decade, he has been painfully aware that he has fallen out of love with his wife. They do not engage in open conflicts but rather, a cold war has descended upon the marriage....
You Only Live Once
Oct 2019
One of my roles in my job as counsellor is to be a clinical supervisor for counselling interns. As counsellors in training, they are given less complex cases to stretch their counselling “wings” by practising, under supervision but on real-life cases, the skills and techniques they have learnt in the...
Managing our sexual desires
Sep 2019
Noting both the Old and New Testaments mention sexual sin, a client remarked, “Why is there so much sex in the Bible?” The Bible does talk about the dangers of sexual sin, sometimes mentioning it together with the command to be faithful to God. Both are a call to holiness....
Defending the helpless
Aug 2019
On 17 March, the Straits Times reported a 30 per cent increase in child abuse cases in 2018 over the year before. Almost one in five of the cases involved sexual abuse. More recently, the newspapers covered the trial of a retired principal accused of molesting several students. Although reports...
Right Direction + Slow Persistent Effort = Progress
Jul 2019
The other day, my client’s husband was taken aback when she said she was no longer sure that she wanted to give their marriage a second chance, as she doubted that he was really interested in rebuilding their marriage. He had agreed to counselling after being found out for infidelity....
Walking to reinvigorate marriage
Jun 2019
Over the last four years, around the middle of each year, around May and June, my wife and I have taken leave from work to do long walks together—about 20 kilometres a day over a six-day period. We are sedentary urbanites who rarely walk more than 3000 steps on an...
Still quarrelling? It is a good sign
May 2019
I opened the counselling session with one of my usual questions to the couple: “How have things been?” The wife did not answer first; she wanted to see how her husband would respond. He paused and thoughtfully said, “Overall, things are better. We are improving, but we are still quarrelling.”...
Broken marriage, not broken lives
Apr 2019
As a family and marital therapist, I sometimes feel discouraged when working with a client who has decided to end their marriage. Like most of my professional peers, I see myself as helping rebuild marriages, not powerlessly witnessing their breakups. There is many a counsellor who wonders if they could...
There is someone out there who cares
Mar 2019
I once participated in a radio interview during which the presenter and I focused on the topic of emotional and psychological abuse by spouses. While some attention has been given to physical violence and laws exist to protect victims, there is so much more to be done for emotional and...
Breaking old patterns
Feb 2019
People are creatures of habit. Some habits, such as a habit of saving, serve us well. Others, like broken records, churn out the same tunes with annoying repetition. Some interpersonal conflicts resemble broken records. Although we see the futility of engaging in them, we seem powerless to resist the urge...
Contradictions or Truths
Jan 2019
“But I am happy,” he said clearly and defiantly, his rigid posture and furrowed eyebrows betraying tension. Upon revealing his conviction that his wife of almost 20 years did not love him or perhaps had never loved him at all, Peter asserted he was still “happy”. Often, we think of...
Christian cheer
Dec 2018
The Christmas season draws out a mix of emotions. Many families celebrate Christmas with feasting and merrymaking. Others dread the rush to buy the obligatory presents. Still others may feel sad if Christmas is associated with loss or loneliness. For those who are struggling with the pain of loss or...
Different, not deviant
Nov 2018
Of late, diversity has been a buzzword and is often seen as desirable. We see diversity in families too. Within a family, there might be grandparents who belong to the Pioneer Generation, parents who are Baby Boomers, and children who are Generation X or Y. Some family members might be...
Rituals and Routines
Oct 2018
She caught me right after service and confronted me with what seemed more like a statement than a question: “You crossed yourself. Are you Catholic?” I had made the sign of the cross during the service, not expecting anyone to notice. I had first learnt to do it when training...
Our footprints
Sep 2018
The flight was unusually turbulent, with the seatbelt sign flashing frequently and the pilot urging everyone to stay seated. Due, perhaps, to having watched too many documentaries on air crash investigations, I imagined the plane’s wings being ripped off from all the shaking, bringing imminent death. I began to wonder:...
When the will to go on is lost
Aug 2018
Within the same week in the past month, the media reported the separate suicides of two well-known personalities—Kate Spade, a fashion designer, and Anthony Bourdain, a celebrity chef. The tragedy of suicide leaves behind many loved ones and friends in confusion and distress. Experts estimate that for every self-inflicted death,...
Good salt
Jul 2018
While holidaying in Strunjen, Slovenia, I saw salt pans where salt has been extracted for seven centuries. In its heyday, demand was so high that the sea salt was called ‘white gold’. I could not help but think that salt is now so widely available that we take it for...
Prayers that define us
Jun 2018
Do you have a favourite prayer, one you often say or which resonates with you? One popular prayer is the Serenity Prayer (attributed to Reinhold Niebuhr). A widely-used, abbreviated version is: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can,...
Unity – The key to family life
May 2018
Every semester, I ask my counselling students to reflect on how their family has influenced their development. On average, one out of every three has stories of family strife. Some come from families where there is parent-child conflict. Others experience sibling rivalry. Parental favouritism may come into play too. Conflicts...
Hope and faith : are we believers?
Apr 2018
In the work I do, the word ‘hope’ seems a little out of place. As a family and marital therapist, I use psychology as a frame of reference for understanding my clients and guiding me on how best to assist them. Psychology, a science that seeks to study human behaviour,...
Making tough choices
Mar 2018
Recently, I have been reminded of how difficult it is to love and accept others unconditionally. Realistically, there may be only a handful of individuals whom we can claim to accept in spite of their failings. Even then, we may find our patience tested to the limits when these few...
Love of a lifetime: Two crucial factors
Feb 2018
Recently, I have been reminded of how difficult it is to love and accept others unconditionally. Realistically, there may be only a handful of individuals whom we can claim to accept in spite of their failings. Even then, we may find our patience tested to the limits when these few...
‘Killing them’ with love?
Dec 2017
I recently found myself drawn into a conversation between two ladies with contrasting views on parenting. One woman was worried that her daughter was “too good” for her own good. She was genuinely concerned about whether her 17-year-old daughter was sufficiently exposed to “the real world”. Her daughter would be...
What is a home?
Nov 2017
The phrase “Many are houseless, not homeless” stuck in my mind after meeting the Director of an organisation providing services for women in one of San Francisco’s counties. She had said this in response to my observation of there being many homeless people in the city. This image ended up...
Celebrating life’s milestones
Oct 2017
Not long ago, I arrived at a chronological milestone. My family surprised me with a gathering to celebrate the occasion. During the event, it seemed like I received as much attention and congratulations as someone who had just finished a marathon. What did I do to deserve such attention? That...
Starved of affection
Sep 2017
The United Nations estimated that as of 2016, there are 795 million people facing hunger in the world. This fact is hard to comprehend, and even harder to accept in a world which has the capacity of producing enough food to feed itself and where food waste is a growing...
What if “This is it?”
Aug 2017
"It's the journey, not the destination." I have had this statement addressed to me time and time again. Recently, a fellow walker said this when he noticed how eager I was to start hiking again after a brief rest. I admit I can be very focused on getting to my...
Be serious but not anxious
Jul 2017
It would be fair to say that most of us want to be good at what we do. The employee handing in a report he had been slaving over for days and nights will wait anxiously for his boss' response. A young child who brings a new "toy" he has...
Blood is thicker than water, but bile is bitter
Jun 2017
An exercise I always set for my students learning about Family Therapy is for them to write an essay about themselves and their family. I will get them to draw their family tree and to subsequently infer how their parents, grandparents, and events from their formative years may have shaped...
The message and the messenger
May 2017
In days of old, when messages were carried by persons rather than transmitted through mass media or the Internet, there was a common understanding that one should refrain from “killing the messenger”, especially when the message was unwelcome. These days, a common response to unwelcome news would be to categorise...
What type of listener are you?
Apr 2017
The irate husband looked in disbelief at his wife and said with a hint of frustration: “We had to come for counselling to say this?” He was responding to what he just heard from his wife, wondering why she could not have told it to him earlier in private. After…
Through grit, the way forward
Mar 2017
An article in the papers caught my eye some weeks ago. It was interesting because it seemed to say something different about marriage – something that, intuitively, I agreed with. Much of what is written about marriage these days is geared towards helping readers improve it and make it “great”….
Small deeds with great love
Feb 2017
As we were about to end our tea conversation, my friend made an unexpected proposal. She had clearly thought about it for some time and felt the need to broach it carefully. She paused, cleared her throat and asked me not to take what she was about to say in...
It’s all about our (self) image
Jan 2017
A new neighbour moved into a unit a couple of doors from my office a few weeks ago, specialising in aesthetics. A team of clinical-looking staff dressed in white coats soon appeared, and so did a steady stream of clients. I suspect that behind its pristine doors, staff would be...
Turning regrets to plans
Dec 2016
By the time this article is read, the year 2016 would be nearing its end. What has this year been like for you? Was it much like previous years or did it hold some surprises? Is its passing felt with regrets, relief or a sense of quiet satisfaction? The passing...
Asking the right questions
Nov 2016
The enquirer stated in her email that she was looking for a counsellor who was experienced and competent, as her husband could be a “difficult man”. I guess she meant he was not convinced that he had problems or needed anyone’s help to change. I have had a number of...
A time to ‘Man Up!’
Oct 2016
As a Family and Marital Therapist, I have learnt not to assume when couples come for marital counselling that they naturally want to save their marriage. Even so, when I posed to a husband the question of what he wanted from counselling, I found his answer somewhat confusing – he...
Pilgrims on a quest
Sep 2016
A word we do not often use to describe ourselves is that of being a pilgrim. This may be because the notion of being a pilgrim is rather foreign to many of us. It describes a person on a quest, usually a spiritual one. Whilst on this quest or search,...
Lessons along The Way
Aug 2016
My wife and I recently took a holiday unlike any other we ever had. For 10 days, we walked along an ancient pilgrimage route ending at Santiago, Spain, to a church where, as tradition has it, the bones of the Apostle James were laid to rest. Not being the outdoor...
Ignorance or arrogance?
Jul 2016
The field of counselling suffers from an acute lack of locally-written material, so when asked to review Kirby Chua’s book The Bible’s Secrets to Counselling, I jumped at the chance. Kirby’s book makes an interesting read. Well-informed in various counselling models and theories, he discusses the practice of counselling not...
Who do you go to bed with each night?
Jun 2016
The late Anthony Yeo, often acknowledged as the Father of Counselling inSingapore, once gave this advice: the television (TV) should be banished from the bedroom. He felt its presence would put an end to conversations in the bedroom, not to mention other more intimate couple interactions. Instead of following his...
Driven by our desire
May 2016
YouTube was all abuzz when an American actor declared that he had a “dirty little secret”: for some time, he had battled with an addiction to pornography. This started a flurry of postings and debate online. There were those who praised him for “coming out”and, through his brave admission, showing...
Unequal wealth, unequal giving
Apr 2016
I have never been one for figures. In school, Mathematics was one subject I never could get my head around despite my best efforts. I put it down to being born without a “chip” found in most brains. However, I do not think that I am alone in having difficulty...
Focused attention
Mar 2016
These days, with so many things demanding our attention and energy, giving our focused attention to what we are doing is often a challenge. We seem to be torn in so many directions that being able to multi-task is one of the prerequisites for life today. Yet can we really...
Standing the test of time
Feb 2016
Two postings in the newspaper’s ‘Obituaries’ section caught my eye the other day. The first was for a woman in her 90s. It carried a list of her clan of 35 family members, nine of whom were great-grandchildren. Some may view this with a sense of satisfaction on her behalf...
Possessions and Obsessions
Jan 2016
Our devices now allow us to stay connected 24/7, so we take our work into our bedrooms and even on holidays, such that it affects our work-life balance. Yet, are our devices to blame? I am on my fifth day of being without a possession which has not left my...
Numbering our days
Dec 2015
At our lives’ end, how will we account for the time given to us? The Psalmist reminds us to number our days, “that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom”. By the time you read this edition of Methodist Message, some of you would be winding down your work...
The curious connections of life
Nov 2015
Sometimes the most insightful discoveries come at the most unexpected times. Like what happened as I was doing my weekly ironing recently. I had been puzzling over a counselling session the day before. The couple in their late thirties looked comfortable with each other. They exchanged warm smiles throughout...
To solve or resolve
Oct 2015
A renowned couple therapist once stated that most problems faced by couples are not resolvable. This was baffling, given that it was said by someone whose career was in helping couples with their problems. Was this a statement of resignation, which came after years of facing the stark reality of seeing...
Conflict and reconciliation
Sep 2015
The week’s news is sadly all too familiar. Suicide bombings killing dozens, hate crimes targeting places of worship and an attack on a tourist site – mass murders, all in the name of ethnic or religious cleansing. By their frequency, these horrendous acts have reached a point of banality and...
Living in communities
Aug 2015
However, churches do not serve only as ‘petrol stations’ or entertainment hubs where we go to fill up or be uplifted. They are also places of mutual ministry. A recent conversation over lunch with a colleague led to the topic of which church we were attending. My colleague sheepishly confessed that she...
Growing older together in peace and harmony
Nov 2014
The four members of the Tan* family sat there in grim tension. The air was thick with anger and sadness. Elder Mr Tan muttered about how shameful it was to be seeing a counsellor, much like ‘washing dirty linen in public’. Blaming their family problems on Mrs Tan’s constant nagging,...
What are your teenagers ‘catching’?
Oct 2014
The family names are different but the situation sounds all too familiar. The adolescent first began to assert himself by pushing the boundaries of certain rules in the home, like how late he was allowed to ‘hang out’ with his friends. Then came an endless series of ‘why’ questions –...
Who is shaping your children’s minds?
Sep 2014
The harder reality is that we and our children are constantly bombarded by a slew of undesirable traits online, at the movies, on billboards, TV advertising posters and music videos. Recently, a seemingly uncontroversial institution, the National Library Board, found itself under the harsh glare of public discourse. It had removed...
Who’s the one that’s really poor?
Aug 2014
Poor street kids in Delhi, India, receiving free food. Picture by paul prescott/Bigstock.com What does our pattern of giving say about us? How would our Lord view our relationship with those who are less privileged, as revealed through our giving? If our Lord’s grace was measured to us as ours...
Preparing for adulthood
Jul 2014
Whilst schools do a reasonably good job of preparing a person vocationally, the task of imparting life and social skills begins and continues at home even when one has left formal schooling. A few months ago, I accompanied my friend to witness his son enlisting into National Service: taking the...
Caring beyond words
Jun 2014
Our human instinct is to congregate around someone who is grieving, to show support and solidarity with their loss, and perhaps with time to get them back into the swing of things. An oft-asked question is: “What can I say or do to help someone who is going through a...
Truth and falsehood
May 2014
Some years ago, when stickers, patches and buttons carrying various slogans were all the rage, there was one that gave a Christian take to an advertisement for a popular drink. It said “Jesus is the real thing”. It left readers to conclude for themselves what Jesus was to be compared...
Empowerment: A magic wand?
Apr 2014
I am reminded of a short chorus that goes: “There’s a river of life flowing out from me; makes the lame to walk and the blind to see; opens prison doors and sets the captives free!” I cannot forget the scene. There we were, about a dozen social workers and...
Exercising choice: Boon or bane?
Mar 2014
Some weeks ago, two stories that were unrelated news items caught my attention. The first was about a nine-year-old girl who was forced to wear a suicide vest in Afghanistan, and the second involved a British footballer who wore a fake suicide vest at a fancy dress party. In the...
When psychiatry and spirituality converge
Feb 2014
... how the brain affects many aspects of human behaviour ranging from mental illness to how differently men and women fall in love. Last December, I attended a conference named “The Evolution of Psychotherapy”. Held every four years, it gathers leading researchers and clinicians in the fields of psychiatry, psychology...
Getting back on course
Jan 2014
James*, a professional in his mid-thirties, came to me for counselling because he was experiencing crises at many levels. It all began when his lover confessed that whilst on holiday overseas, she had a “one-night stand”. He felt betrayed and was devastated. After all, they had been together for eight...
Breakthroughs
Dec 2013
Being in a job where people engage you to talk of their woes and despair does not aff0rd you the opportunity to see many clients smiling or talking of heir successes. But this particular week was different; I had positive messages from two separate clients. Both came from women whom...
Making tough decisions
Nov 2013
What if it is difficult to live together in harmony? Do we stick to it and remain frustrated and embittered? Or do we live apart and maintain connections that are manageable? Have you ever had to make a decision where there are no good choices? The choice is not between...
Pure nostalgia or note-worthy?
Oct 2013
We need to strike a balance, as in so many things, between the past and the present. We need to have in our lives a place for things and practices from the past that are noteworthy, that are still of value. In the previous article, I talked about memory. Recently,...
A time to remember, forget?
Sep 2013
...some people only remember the mistakes, setbacks and disappointments of life. They gloss over any upside that life has to offer and choose instead to focus on and remember the bad days. In her song “Big Yellow Taxi”, Joni Mitchell sings: “Don’t it always seem to go, that you don’t...
The slippery slope of deception
Aug 2013
I was physically and emotionally spent one late evening after a long day that included two difficult counselling cases, both of which had much in common. Both involved women who had been unfaithful, and had been found out by their husbands. In both instances, neither had any intention to leave...
The confusing art of communication
Jul 2013
THESE DAYS, it is becoming harder to know exactly what people mean when they communicate. An illustration of this was when a property agent proudly pointed out the special “pocket view” of the apartment we were viewing. It was one of the assets and selling points for that apartment. Try...
Failure in a world obsessed with success
Jun 2013
WE LIVE IN A WORLD obsessed with success. We all want to know who is the richest person (because the accumulation of wealth is an indicator of success), the youngest person who attained a PhD, the winners of Wimbledon or the Golf Masters and the top schools in the country....
Citizens, Permanent Residents and pilgrims
May 2013
I HAVE A CONFESSION to make. Although I carry a pink Identity Card and have completed all my National Service liabilities, I am not a citizen by birth. I was born in the town of Kuching, in the state of Sarawak, in East Malaysia. This fact has not escaped the...
What should be your attitude towards work?
Apr 2013
SINGAPOREANS ARE GENERALLY a hardworking people. The 42-hour work week is often exceeded without much fanfare or protest. The phrase “24/7” is synonymous with the call for us to be ready to work 24 hours a day and seven days a week. On the flip side, there are more entertainment...
Another look at tests and appraisals
Dec 2012
THESE DAYS, it is as if Darwinism has returned with a vengeance – though it is no longer “survival of the fittest” but now “survival of the smartest”. is thought drove home to me when I wondered why the Primary School Leaving Examination (PSLE) has become such a big national...
Be slow to judge others
Nov 2012
THOMAS* HAD EXPRESSED REMORSE for his actions as sincerely as he could. He offered no excuse for his folly. His actions were a disappointment and a shock to his fiancée Amelia* and also to him. e two had been going steady for almost three years now and plans for a...
Too weary to go on
Oct 2012
THE TWO BOXERS SIT and exchange hateful stares with each other. They can hardly see each other clearly as their vision is blurred by sweat and fatigue. As the bell rings to signal the start of yet another round of combat, they stumble towards each other almost as if they...
Are you fighting your good fight?
Sep 2012
WE IN SINGAPORE live in a relatively peaceful corner of the world. We have been reasonably blessed with harmonious relationships in our interaction with the various segments of the community. Our last civil strife was in the 60s, beyond the living memory of most of us. The state of harmony,...
Revisiting the ‘old country’
Aug 2012
I RECENTLY GAVE MYSELF a little treat and made a short trip back to the “old country”. Singaporeans may have several “old countries” or countries of their forefathers, depending on how far back they trace their ancestry. For me, on my mother’s side, it is Kuching, Sarawak. My visit coincided...
Differently and wonderfully made
Jul 2012
“Sometimes, differences are experienced in an obviously pointed and painful manner. When this happens, I hope we will be prepared to allow God’s grace to work in and through us to make these relationships work better.” I OFTEN JOKE WITH MY WIFE that she is my cure for the disease...
The sound of silence, the blandness of salt
Jun 2012
A MISSIONARY WHO HAD RETURNED from the mission field was sharing with me some of the things he had observed, having lived abroad for some time. One was how accustomed we urbanites have grown to the noise around us that we do not notice it at all. It was only...
Vital to nurture a loving relationship
May 2012
LET ME BEGIN WITH A BRIEF WORD about the choice of this topic. Some might think it rather inappropriate for a Christian magazine. Others might feel rather uncomfortable about reading it. Still others might wonder if the topic of having sex should even be accompanied by the word good. All...
Selfless and self-love
Apr 2012
I HAVE JOURNEYED with this woman for almost 15 years now. I say “journeyed” as this is the word that can best describe my work with her over these years. It has a fuller meaning to it than the word “counsel”. How do you describe the process of walking with...
